Below are the 18 most recent journal entries recorded in [fashion.f1ght.pause]'s LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 18 ]

Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
10:59 am	for those who missed it, this journal over with. add eighteen_a_wing if you still care to read.
1 feel my <3
Thursday, January 29th, 2004
2:08 pm	JET LAG! well, i'm back. shortest most awesome 3 months of my life but definitly worth coming home and being reminded i have the world's best friends. seriously, fuck. yeah. anyways, a few changes. new hair, new room, closed ears, and a new livejournal :] eighteen_a_wing add it. or dont. this one's done. if i dont see return of the king NOW i think i'll cry. stupid japan is a year behind on movies. come visit me if you havent already! <3. Current Music: thursday
12 feel my <3
Saturday, January 17th, 2004
2:33 pm	11 days i need you so much closer.
Saturday, January 3rd, 2004
8:30 am	finding out im on my own oh my god. just when it was clear nothing could make japan any more awesome came new years. katsura gave me a kimono to borrow and her mom put ornaments in our hair, painted our faces white, eyes black, and lips red. it was soo uncomfortable but we all looked great. then we left to the fest and all i remember is 4 hours of fireworks, games with goldfish as prizes, sake, decorated temples and shrines, dancing dragons, huge beating drums, the best ramen and fish in the world, candle lit boats, throwing good luck charms and prayers in the firepit, more sake, and all the happiest looking little asians everywhere. and i got my midnight kiss alright when after the countdown the crowd backed up to let pass a bunch of sumo wrestlers and knocked us into the pond. it was filled with huge koi that swam all over me and one got stuck in the sleeve of my kimono. and then all i remember after that is sitting there with kat soaking wet laughing so hard tears were coming out. and then thinking about how much i didn't want to go home. 3 weeks and i'm back in LA and i honestly feel like crying. i'm not ready to go back to everything not any different from the way i left it. or myself any different for that matter. and other than friends(all of who are missed like hell), i really have nothing to go back to. it's just that being so far away from everyone where there's no one to be mad at me but myself is almost therapuetic. it helps that i'm in fucking love with everything about this country and the people here. i really really hope good things come out of the new year. maybe turning 17 will be a new start and change everything. no more of my own pity parties and thinking i dont deserve to be happy.. and more of being thankful for my friends who have put up with so much from me in the past year. i hope too much. anyways, i have to go to kendo. love to you who know who you are, allyson Current Music: yellowcard
44 feel my <3
Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003
10:58 pm	dear allyson goddard, i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i'm really mad that i missed your call lastnight. maybe i'll go with whoever & pick you up from the airport. cos i miss you & i love you. call me when you can cos this bff misses youuuu! love, jennifer gesell.
7 feel my <3
Tuesday, November 11th, 2003
4:19 pm	hey!! wow, this has been an incredible week...... my flight was long and lonely. hilary duff and saves the day kept me alive more than half the time. the guy across the aisle from me had dreads that smelled and he kept trying to be cool and say the few things he knew in english over and over. god.. but i'm here!! and having a fucking blast. japan is even more fun and amazing than i remembered it. my grandparents are totally the two cutest things in the world and i'm gonna stay with them in nagoya for a while. at least until school starts on the 15th. oh man i cant wait for the japanese school girl uniforms! sooo totally asian ^__^ i've also been trying all this crazy shit you would never have dreamed to be edible. and today i broke through a sliding paper door. it was dope. i miss everyone :[ and all the valley drama. really. i'm writing to everyone i have addresses for and calling as many as i can during my week in hawaii next month. i love you. i get to go see kill bill with japanese subtitles now. xoxo. peace. I'M TALLER THAN EVERYONE! <33333333333333
27 feel my <3
Sunday, November 2nd, 2003
6:17 pm	trying to touch your knees i couldn't have asked for a more perfect weekend to get my mind off every worry that shouldn't be brought to japan with me. i have such amazing friends and everyone has made me feel so loved these past 2 weeks. thank you so much for all the goodbye presents, voice messages, e-mails, surprise visits, hugs, and "i'll miss you"s. and thanks more than ANYTHING to the few that are actually going down to the airport tomorrow morning to see me off. you mean the world to me and thats seriously going to make my 10 hour flight sooo much better. i'm not going to lie and say i'm not excited about studying in japan but three months without all of you is sounding longer and longer by the minute. i'm going to be in hawaii during my one week class break in december and i'm going to make as many phone calls as possible before flying straight back to tokyo. i still have a shitload of packing to do. insane. ( <3 ) really, i love you guys more than words can say. dont forget me. you have my heart. Current Mood: scared Current Music: std
31 feel my <3
Monday, October 27th, 2003
1:17 pm	i need you like air in my lungs. nothing like falling asleep crying because everyone treats you like shit, and waking up to grose eye crust and nonstop bullshit from your therapist and dad. my god i suck. i need a new routine. at least i got to hang out with jen, katie, nikki, and tran <3 and i got to see give up the ghost. and at least im asian. and me and cody are getting married when i get back from japan. and at least im gonna be a dinosaur for halloween. i need stability back in my life. and to learn to avoid everything that could bring hurt. maybe then.. Current Music: taking back sunday
33 feel my <3
Monday, October 20th, 2003
2:47 pm	broken hearts and new addictions i changed my livejournal name to decorated_cry so get used to it! and if i took you off my friends list, its because i dont read your shit. dont be offended, just take me off yours. my weekend was rad. spending time with erin was awesome. we didnt go to the beach because our car broke down so instead we saw kill bill. oh my god amazing. i think that movie pretty much settled my decision on wanting to move back to japan. still not 100% sure it will happen. and midcity breakdown did a great job last night. i love ryan and sheerliematzoball :] hunter's birthday dinner was off the hook. hahaha <3 Current Music: beloved
36 feel my <3
Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
6:26 pm	shit, nig. so now there are 5 exceptions but everyone else still sucks. missing with honor/love is red/embrace today wasnt exciting but american nightmare in two weeks is. no one gasps for life as well as me :] waking up to text messages full of hearts was pretty rad. thanks kids<3 i might be moving to japan for a semester. it would be something like a 5 month break from school so i can study all japanese and then come back in time to restart 11th grade. the extra year of high school would be a huge bummer but i think its worth it. either way, i need out. ideas? anyway, racoon eyes came over and told me i looked like a piece of sushi in my baby pics. that jew tried tagging on my closet hahaha, too hot to handle. ( Read more... ) meet emma, the only member of the family i can stand. damn thats some hot asian action <3 the new tarzan series makes me feel like climbing a tree. Current Mood: banzai! Current Music: death cab
48 feel my <3
Monday, October 13th, 2003
4:56 pm	girls just wanna have fun some things. - all my friends, with the exception of 3 girls, suck. - i have to see a social worker three times a week to talk about family problems. - my brother spent a week in juvenile for pulling a knife on my dad and theres a possibilty that either we're put in a home or my dad is put in jail. - i haven't felt completely comfortable and content about one guy in 3 years. - i'm called a slut, bitch, and nujack on a daily basis. - i've never smoked anything in my life or seriously drank in almost a year, but lately i've wondered what the point is and i've started doubting that it will last much longer. - i seriously, passionately wanted to become a singer and enter myself into a state fine arts competition but out of weak determination and lack any support whatsoever, thats now impossible. - my trust issue has gone beyond extreme - and i hate everyone. <3 allyson Current Mood: stupid
48 feel my <3
Wednesday, September 17th, 2003
3:25 pm	with tints of fury and resentment text messaging is the new thing; me: im so asian, i'm wearing a kimono right now. mickle: well i'm eating rice. me: well i know P.I.M.P. in japanese mickle: well i have a small...ha ha i wont go there. love. ( boredom is disastrous ) why is it that my smoothest break-up yet left me feeling the most remorse and guilt? i dont rule so much anymore. Current Music: pgmg
26 feel my <3
Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
10:06 pm	i fold in half so easily cry emergency: to the window holdmyhand gun: to the wall cry emergency: till the sweat drips down my balls holdmyhand gun: make all them bitches crawl i have 3 days left of school. within the next two months i plan on moving out and finding an apartment with my awesome, 28 year old aunt, getting a job, going alone on a short vacation anywhere (haven't thought of any good places to visit yet), losing 10 pounds, and falling madly in love. fuck year round. i'm over this. being single is getting really old. anybody want to be my boyfriend? i'm cool i swear Current Music: kind of like spitting
55 feel my <3
Friday, August 15th, 2003
6:35 pm	there's someone out there who feels just like me, there is. i gasp for life. PUNNNNNCHHHTOOOOWWWWWWWNNNN-!! ^__^ Current Music: get up kids
59 feel my <3
Tuesday, August 12th, 2003
11:37 am	it's weeks like this when all the reasons to feel discontent, inferior, and alone become really hard to find. the acceptance of such great friends is all i'll ever need. i'll wake up to familiar faces of girls who had decided to see past all my faults and laugh at the rumors, and then i'll go home, look around, and see nothing but satisfaction everywhere. carefree is what i want to be and anyone or anything that is in any attempt keeping me from that can go to hell because i'm so fucking close. for once my smile isn't fake and theres no pretending. dead hands rising/already dead/every man my enemy tomorrow, rilo kiley thursday, and so much more to look forward to next week and the week after. i've had my dress on for years and i think it's finally time to party. well anyways, my ears smell like fuck and i need to shower. Current Music: meshuggah
32 feel my <3
Tuesday, August 5th, 2003
5:55 pm	i am soo excited about the madonna+missy gap jeans.
23 feel my <3
Sunday, August 3rd, 2003
5:16 pm	hi. if you have shit with my friends you have shit with me. stop thinking you're better because you've been around longer. i wish i got that much attention and LAO was awesome as always. i love all of you guys <3333333333333 after the show everyone went to yuki's and we had an awesome girl sumber party + chris. yuki's hair looks great, riquel and jen found nemo, and tara is the love my life. we kissed and stuff. i left before any of those hungover bitches woke up and went to newport beach with britney. we drove from OC to the roxy to see our friends name taken. it was so great seeing chad and blake again. what amazing boys :D riquel and jennifer also came and we ripped shit up. i wanna do the drummer of death on wednesday soo good. hah wow i dropped both of them off and came home and thought about how lucky i was. im still crushing and its way cool :) me and my sister baked a cake and i want someone to eat it with so come over loves ♥ Current Music: brand new
37 feel my <3
Friday, August 1st, 2003
12:13 pm	oshin brought me teriyaki and we ate and talked about good things like beyonce. ♥ i love my friends and i hate when they're down. worse, when i'm part of the reason why. nothing i say is ever worth being afflicted by. fucking trust me. and i hope you're ok sheerlie. i'm here. besides all: i got the part of mary magdalene in jesus christ is a superstar. so stoked :DD BRING ON THE DISCO. im cute. im excited to see all of you tomorrow. i've missed a lot. especially yuki's family. dude. octopus is cool (<3) riquel or someone is cutting my hair and we're slumber partyyying the rest of the night. sex. oh and i'm a huge sucker for guys in suits. still cute. this month im getting my license and car, going to a shitload of awesome shows, getting rid of ALL drama whatsoever, and scheduling my next trip to chile to see paulene cause i fucking miss her like hell. whatever. my sisters just heated the jacuzzi so i'm gonna go swim and kill my hair. xo ps. i finally got a new cell. 257-1569. GIVEMEYOURNUMBERS <3 pps. aaron, i love you baby. youre hott and stuff. Current Music: sam's mix<3
25 feel my <3