letting out the noise inside of me

decorated_cry @ 2004-02-04T10:59:00

2004-02-04T19:00:32Z

for those who missed it, this journal over with.
add eighteen_a_wing if you still care to read.

JET LAG!

2004-01-29T22:25:01Z

well, i'm back. shortest most awesome 3 months of my life but definitly worth coming home and being reminded i have the world's best friends.
seriously, fuck. yeah.

anyways, a few changes. new hair, new room, closed ears, and a new livejournal :]
eighteen_a_wing
add it. or dont. this one's done.

if i dont see return of the king NOW i think i'll cry.
stupid japan is a year behind on movies.

come visit me if you havent already!

<3.

11 days

2004-01-17T05:32:25Z

i need you so much closer.

finding out im on my own

2004-01-03T00:05:20Z

oh my god. just when it was clear nothing could make japan any more awesome came new years. katsura gave me a kimono to borrow and her mom put ornaments in our hair, painted our faces white, eyes black, and lips red. it was soo uncomfortable but we all looked great. then we left to the fest and all i remember is 4 hours of fireworks, games with goldfish as prizes, sake, decorated temples and shrines, dancing dragons, huge beating drums, the best ramen and fish in the world, candle lit boats, throwing good luck charms and prayers in the firepit, more sake, and all the happiest looking little asians everywhere. and i got my midnight kiss alright when after the countdown the crowd backed up to let pass a bunch of sumo wrestlers and knocked us into the pond. it was filled with huge koi that swam all over me and one got stuck in the sleeve of my kimono.
and then all i remember after that is sitting there with kat soaking wet laughing so hard tears were coming out. and then thinking about how much i didn't want to go home.
3 weeks and i'm back in LA and i honestly feel like crying.
i'm not ready to go back to everything not any different from the way i left it. or myself any different for that matter.
and other than friends(all of who are missed like hell), i really have nothing to go back to.
it's just that being so far away from everyone where there's no one to be mad at me but myself is almost therapuetic. it helps that i'm in fucking love with everything about this country and the people here.
i really really hope good things come out of the new year. maybe turning 17 will be a new start and change everything. no more of my own pity parties and thinking i dont deserve to be happy.. and more of being thankful for my friends who have put up with so much from me in the past year.
i hope too much.
anyways, i have to go to kendo.

love to you who know who you are,
allyson

decorated_cry @ 2003-12-23T22:58:00

2003-12-24T07:00:55Z

dear allyson goddard,
i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i'm really mad that i missed your call lastnight. maybe i'll go with whoever & pick you up from the airport. cos i miss you & i love you. call me when you can cos this bff misses youuuu!
love, jennifer gesell.

hey!!

2003-11-11T07:28:08Z

wow, this has been an incredible week......
my flight was long and lonely. hilary duff and saves the day kept me alive more than half the time. the guy across the aisle from me had dreads that smelled and he kept trying to be cool and say the few things he knew in english over and over. god.. but i'm here!! and having a fucking blast. japan is even more fun and amazing than i remembered it. my grandparents are totally the two cutest things in the world and i'm gonna stay with them in nagoya for a while. at least until school starts on the 15th. oh man i cant wait for the japanese school girl uniforms! sooo totally asian ^__^ i've also been trying all this crazy shit you would never have dreamed to be edible. and today i broke through a sliding paper door. it was dope.

i miss everyone :[ and all the valley drama. really. i'm writing to everyone i have addresses for and calling as many as i can during my week in hawaii next month. i love you. i get to go see kill bill with japanese subtitles now. xoxo. peace.
I'M TALLER THAN EVERYONE!

<33333333333333

trying to touch your knees

2003-11-03T02:21:15Z

i couldn't have asked for a more perfect weekend to get my mind off every worry that shouldn't be brought to japan with me. i have such amazing friends and everyone has made me feel so loved these past 2 weeks.
thank you so much for all the goodbye presents, voice messages, e-mails, surprise visits, hugs, and "i'll miss you"s. and thanks more than ANYTHING to the few that are actually going down to the airport tomorrow morning to see me off. you mean the world to me and thats seriously going to make my 10 hour flight sooo much better. i'm not going to lie and say i'm not excited about studying in japan but three months without all of you is sounding longer and longer by the minute.
i'm going to be in hawaii during my one week class break in december and i'm going to make as many phone calls as possible before flying straight back to tokyo. i still have a shitload of packing to do. insane.

i love my best friends.

and boys.

and this shirt i'm going to show off everywhere.

really, i love you guys more than words can say.
dont forget me.

you have my heart.

i need you like air in my lungs.

2003-10-27T21:41:27Z

nothing like falling asleep crying because everyone treats you like shit, and waking up to grose eye crust and nonstop bullshit from your therapist and dad.
my god i suck.

i need a new routine.

at least i got to hang out with jen, katie, nikki, and tran <3
and i got to see give up the ghost.
and at least im asian.
and me and cody are getting married when i get back from japan.
and at least im gonna be a dinosaur for halloween.

i need stability back in my life.
and to learn to avoid everything that could bring hurt.

maybe then..

broken hearts and new addictions

2003-10-20T22:49:00Z

i changed my livejournal name to decorated_cry so get used to it!
and if i took you off my friends list, its because i dont read your shit. dont be offended, just take me off yours.

my weekend was rad. spending time with erin was awesome. we didnt go to the beach because our car broke down so instead we saw kill bill. oh my god amazing. i think that movie pretty much settled my decision on wanting to move back to japan. still not 100% sure it will happen.
and midcity breakdown did a great job last night. i love ryan and sheerliematzoball :]

hunter's birthday dinner was off the hook.

hahaha <3

shit, nig.

2003-10-16T02:27:29Z

so now there are 5 exceptions but everyone else still sucks.
missing with honor/love is red/embrace today wasnt exciting but american nightmare in two weeks is.
no one gasps for life as well as me :]
waking up to text messages full of hearts was pretty rad. thanks kids<3

i might be moving to japan for a semester. it would be something like a 5 month break from school so i can study all japanese and then come back in time to restart 11th grade. the extra year of high school would be a huge bummer but i think its worth it. either way, i need out.
ideas?

anyway, racoon eyes came over and told me i looked like a piece of sushi in my baby pics. that jew tried tagging on my closet hahaha, too hot to handle.

meet emma, the only member of the family i can stand.

damn thats some hot asian action <3

the new tarzan series makes me feel like climbing a tree.

girls just wanna have fun

2003-10-14T00:38:25Z

some things.

- all my friends, with the exception of 3 girls, suck.
- i have to see a social worker three times a week to talk about family problems.
- my brother spent a week in juvenile for pulling a knife on my dad and theres a possibilty that either we're put in a home or my dad is put in jail.
- i haven't felt completely comfortable and content about one guy in 3 years.
- i'm called a slut, bitch, and nujack on a daily basis.
- i've never smoked anything in my life or seriously drank in almost a year, but lately i've wondered what the point is and i've started doubting that it will last much longer.
- i seriously, passionately wanted to become a singer and enter myself into a state fine arts competition but out of weak determination and lack any support whatsoever, thats now impossible.
- my trust issue has gone beyond extreme
- and i hate everyone.

<3 allyson

with tints of fury and resentment

2003-09-17T22:31:43Z

text messaging is the new thing;

me: im so asian, i'm wearing a kimono right now.
mickle: well i'm eating rice.
me: well i know P.I.M.P. in japanese
mickle: well i have a small...ha ha i wont go there.

love.

Top 10 Favorite Bands
1// of the month - brand new
2// american nightmare
3// elliot smith
4// btbam
5// sonic youth
6// coldplay
7// the beatles
8// murder by death
9// converge
10// an albatross
Top 10 Favorite Songs
1// elliott smith - between the bars
2// btbam - chamilla rhodes
3// sonic youth - teenage riot
4// circle takes the square - same shade as concrete
5// hilary duff - why not
6// the avalanches - frontier psychiatrist
7// hopesfall - the bending
8// shai hulud - set your body ablaze
9// black eyed peas - where is the love
10// notwist - consequence
Top 10 Favorite Movies
1// kaze ne tani no nausicaa
2// LOTR: the fellowship of the ring
3// pulp fiction
4// crazy/beautiful
5// oh brother where art thou
6// goonies
7// all about lily chou chou
8// royal tenenbaums
9// ichi the killer
10// graveyard of the fireflies
Top 10 Favorite Books
1// "neverwhere" by neil gaiman
2// " ender's game" by scott orson card
3// "perks of being a wallflower"
4// "the amber spyglass" by phillip pullman
5// "kissing the witch" by emma donoghue
6// "sea of swords" by R.A. salvatore
7// "fever 1793" by laurie halse anderson
8// "better than running at night" by hilary frank
9// "diary" by chuck palahniuk
10// ...i cant think of anymore
Top 10 Favorite Places
1// at a show
2// katie's house
3// shibuya, japan
4// chile
5// salt lake city
6// any beach
7// not home
8// not school
9// 3rd street
10// ryan's car<3
Top 10 Favorite People
1// chris
2// paulene agguire. you are fucking missed ♥
3// cole<3
4// utada hikaru
5// jonah
6// orlando bloom
7// heather petersen
8// the BFFs: erin, katie, and jen
9// brian lerner
10// jenny lewis

why is it that my smoothest break-up yet left me feeling the most remorse and guilt?
i dont rule so much anymore.

i fold in half so easily

2003-08-21T05:07:27Z

cry emergency: to the window
holdmyhand gun: to the wall
cry emergency: till the sweat drips down my balls
holdmyhand gun: make all them bitches crawl

i have 3 days left of school. within the next two months i plan on moving out and finding an apartment with my awesome, 28 year old aunt, getting a job, going alone on a short vacation anywhere (haven't thought of any good places to visit yet), losing 10 pounds, and falling madly in love.
fuck year round. i'm over this.

being single is getting really old.
anybody want to be my boyfriend? i'm cool i swear

there's someone out there who feels just like me, there is.

2003-08-18T01:10:52Z

i gasp for life.

PUNNNNNCHHHTOOOOWWWWWWWNNNN-!!
^__^

decorated_cry @ 2003-08-12T11:37:00

2003-08-12T18:56:51Z

it's weeks like this when all the reasons to feel discontent, inferior, and alone become really hard to find. the acceptance of such great friends is all i'll ever need. i'll wake up to familiar faces of girls who had decided to see past all my faults and laugh at the rumors, and then i'll go home, look around, and see nothing but satisfaction everywhere. carefree is what i want to be and anyone or anything that is in any attempt keeping me from that can go to hell because i'm so fucking close.
for once my smile isn't fake and theres no pretending.

dead hands rising/already dead/every man my enemy tomorrow,
rilo kiley thursday, and so much more to look forward to next week and the week after. i've had my dress on for years and i think it's finally time to party.

well anyways, my ears smell like fuck and i need to shower.

decorated_cry @ 2003-08-05T17:55:00

2003-08-06T00:56:01Z

i am soo excited about the madonna+missy gap jeans.

decorated_cry @ 2003-08-03T17:16:00

2003-08-04T00:32:44Z

hi. if you have shit with my friends you have shit with me.
stop thinking you're better because you've been around longer.
i wish i got that much attention

and LAO was awesome as always. i love all of you guys
<3333333333333

after the show everyone went to yuki's and we had an awesome girl sumber party + chris.
yuki's hair looks great, riquel and jen found nemo, and tara is the love my life. we kissed and stuff.
i left before any of those hungover bitches woke up and went to newport beach with britney.
we drove from OC to the roxy to see our friends name taken. it was so great seeing chad and blake again. what amazing boys :D
riquel and jennifer also came and we ripped shit up.
i wanna do the drummer of death on wednesday soo good. hah wow
i dropped both of them off and came home and thought about how lucky i was.
im still crushing and its way cool :)

me and my sister baked a cake and i want someone to eat it with so come over loves ♥

decorated_cry @ 2003-08-01T12:13:00

2003-08-01T07:20:40Z

oshin brought me teriyaki and we ate and talked about good things like beyonce. ♥
i love my friends and i hate when they're down.
worse, when i'm part of the reason why.
nothing i say is ever worth being afflicted by. fucking trust me.
and i hope you're ok sheerlie. i'm here.

besides all:
i got the part of mary magdalene in jesus christ is a superstar.
so stoked :DD BRING ON THE DISCO. im cute.
im excited to see all of you tomorrow. i've missed a lot.
especially yuki's family. dude. octopus is cool (<3)
riquel or someone is cutting my hair and we're slumber partyyying the rest of the night.
sex.
oh and i'm a huge sucker for guys in suits. still cute.

this month im getting my license and car, going to a shitload of awesome shows, getting rid of ALL drama whatsoever, and scheduling my next trip to chile to see paulene cause i fucking miss her like hell.

whatever. my sisters just heated the jacuzzi so i'm gonna go swim and kill my hair.
xo

ps. i finally got a new cell. 257-1569. GIVEMEYOURNUMBERS <3
pps. aaron, i love you baby. youre hott and stuff.

you count on me

2003-07-28T05:20:24Z

filming went really well. we had at least 30 takes of the raining scene so i was constantly being drenched. cold as hell. i came home to a surprise visit from colin and adam<3 they both looked great with their snake bite piercings. i miss jen.

1. First Name: allyson
2. Hair Color: xBLACKx
3. Middle Name: kiyomi. what an asian
4. Hair Style: short and choppy
5. Eye Color: hazel.
6. Height: 5'5
8. Birthday: feb 8
9. Zodiac Sign: aquarius
10. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: no. i crush a lot
11. Do you have a crush?: :shoots herself:
Favorites
1. Favorite Animal: jennifer
2. Favorite Sport: jennifer
3. Favorite Color(s): black, white
4. Favorite Friend(s) Offline: gay
5. Favorite Friend(s) Online: aaron
7. Favorite Movie Quote: "it's a lovely day for an excorcism"
8. Favorite Store: urban.
9. Favorite Feeling: close and accepted
10. Favorite Shoe: mary janes, jack purcells
11. Favorite Scent: andy's
12. Do You Wear Make-Up?: yes.
13. Which is more important, personality or looks?: what a blowjob
14. What kind of personality do you like in a guy/girl?: undefensive and blunt
15. Do you move fast or slow in a relationship?: not enough relationships to tell
16. What is your idea of the perfect guy/girl?: to be fucking simple: shitload of fun, and good at conversation
17. Would you ever ask someone out?: have once and never to be done again. amen.
18. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: ew?
Love, Life & Friends
1. What is the first thing you notice about someone?: eye expressions
2. When's the last time you cried?: today. acting.
3. What do you want to be when you grow up?: famous
4. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? no. go home kids
6. Do you like someone right now?: yea dude <3<3
7. Do they know?: they should by now
8. Do you have a best friend?: ya. aw man i love her<33
Within the last 24 hours, have you...
1. Had a serious talk?: yea, thanks for that colin.
2. Hugged someone?: yup.
3. Gotten along well with your parents?: fuck no
4. Fought with a friend?: yeah. over being xxx. sorry love
Do you like to...
1. Give hugs?: i cuddle so much
2. Give back rubs?: wudup japan
3. Take walks in the rain?: yeaaa
4. You ever have that falling dream?: no. i'm always flying.
5. What is on the walls of your room?: photos, collages, pirate flag
6. When you chew gum, what kind?: orbitz
7. Do you use chap stick?: mhm.
In the last month have/did you...
1. Drink?: no.
2. Smoke?: no.
3. Drugs?: no.
4. had sex: whats sex?
5. Made Out?: yes.
6. Go on a date?: yes.
8. Go to the mall?: yes.
9. Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: who are you?
10. Eaten sushi?: soo anyways
11. Been on stage?: im gonna be famous
12. Been dumped?: no.
13: Have someone be unfaithful to you?: no.
14. Watched The Smurfs?: go home.
15. Hiked a mountain?: your mountain
16. Made homemade cookies?: i baked a couple of weeks ago for oshin
17. Been in love?: god only fucking knows
More stuff.
1. Are you popular?: im famous
2. Are you pretty? suck my dick
4. What is your favorite word to say: fuck
5. What is your favorite phrase to say?: BFF
6. What are you doing right now?: wishing he'd call
7. What song are you listening to?: homegrown
8. What are you wearing?: dont worry its hardcore
Preferences - Pick
1. Cold or hot?: hot
2. Lace or satin?: lace
3. Blue or Red?: red.
4. New or old?: old.
5. Rain or snow?: rain.
6. Give or receive?: give
7. Wool or cotton?: cotton
8. Rose or Daisy?: DAISIES!!
9. Private school or public school?: public.
10. Chocolate milk or plain milk?: haha jen eats my ass
11. Celsius or Fahrenheit?: no.
12. Spring or Fall?: fall
13. Inny or outty?: i own.
14. Now or then?: now.
15. How many fingers am I holding up?: go home.
16. Scent?: xSWINGx
17. English or Math?: english
18. Bath or shower?: both.
19. Bedtime phrase?: do you come here often?
20. Self-stick or lick?: ice ice baby
21. Cursive or print?: print.
22. Do you like surprises?: i like yours.
23. Paranoid or Cautious?: soo f u c k i n g paranoid. always.
24. Heights or Crowds? heights
25. Half-full or half-empty?: half full.
26. Top or bottom?: bottom
27. Do you/Would you dye your hair?: hair dye is my life
28. Speeding or running red lights?: speeding? go gay
29. Gold or silver?: silver.
30. Bad habits?: youre a bad habit
31. Piercing?: monroes
32. Erogenous Zone(s)?: neck, hips, my life
33. "Maybe" or "Mebbe?": no.
35. What do you wish you'd done?: yo momma
36. Fetish?: rain
37. Do you have one of THOSE voices?: duhh
38. Jammies or naked?: naked mostly
39. Neurotic or psychotic?: no.
40. Do you talk to yourself?: jesus is my homie

so i have this crush...

decorated_cry @ 2003-07-19T00:20:00

2003-07-19T07:17:46Z

decorated_cry @ 2003-07-14T23:47:00

2003-07-14T19:11:14Z

my favorite boy ever is 20 today. <333

i woke up to a bouquet of diasies at the foot of my bed with a note that just said 'sup asian?' and i was up till 2 last night. hmm

someone visit me
:]

decorated_cry @ 2003-06-21T19:15:00

2003-06-22T02:28:31Z

yesterday i took two finals, got sunburned, and went to see every man my enemy/hoods at the cobalt.
we slumber partied at sheerlie's and i was naked way too much of the time.

tonight we were SUPPOSED to see the HULK and then go to the knitting factory to meet conor oberst look-a-likes and then go straight to the el rey for sick water's cd release party but my mom's asian side kicked in. fucking dick.

♥xSWINGx♥

tomorrow all i'm doing is sitting at home reading the 5th harry potter. dont come over.

xSWINGx

2003-06-15T02:53:23Z

party last night where we met up with aaron and hector. owned.

by sheerlie:

cobalt tonight. more owning.

running out of reasons to cry

2003-06-10T01:01:19Z

this weekend was great. the shows were good, the beach was fun, all the new friends are perfect.

and i crowdsurfed for nural.
100+ points for me for being just that awesome.

</3

decorated_cry @ 2003-06-03T16:05:00

2003-06-03T23:01:33Z

i am soo over livejournal.